


Blue Neighborhood

by Etermati



Category: Bangtan, Yoonseok - Fandom, bts, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Cheating, M/M, Major Character Injury, Major character death - Freeform, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide, Violence, Weapons, slight namjin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 03:11:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8951674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Etermati/pseuds/Etermati
Summary: Jung Hoseok was a normal "boring' guy until a one night changed his whole life forever.





	1. Fools

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first angst! Give me some feedback! Please don't read if you get triggered by this stuff!!!! You can go read some of my fluffier fics!!! :) - I based some of my story of off Troye Sivans album + music videos

Fear has two meanings. Forget everything and run or face everything and rise. Hoseok has this quote cherished. 

Jung Hoseok was a 23-year-old man who owned a small coffee shop in town. The coffee shop did surprisingly well. They had many customers, lots of staff, and good revenue. He didn’t have a very interesting life: he woke up, went to work, and sometimes to the dance studio. Honestly, the only thing that kept him sane was dancing. If he didn’t dance he would have no meaning in life. It was lucky he is extremely talented when it came to that, he had even auditioned for various entertainment companies but was always cut because someone more handsome came along. 

Hoseok thought himself as average when it came to looks. He’s had a total of 3 girlfriends in his life. They all broke up with him because ‘he never put effort into the relationship’ and he will admit he never was interested in the girls. Mostly because well, he’s gay. They were all just cover ups for his parents to believe he was straight. He could never come out; his mother and father were too homophobic. 

\--

Hoseok had gotten up late this morning due to him forgetting to set up his alarm last night. He quickly took a shower; a cold one at that; put his clothes on, brushed his hair and teeth, then headed out the door with a banana in his left hand. 

The drive had taken about 5 minutes because he was going about 50mph in a 30 zone. He pulled up to the shop, and barely put his car in the parking space. There were customers walking in and out so he quickly made his way to the back door. 

Hoseok walked in a saw his good employees taking orders and getting food and drinks ready. He spots one of his favorite workers Gi Hanuel. He stared at him for a bit, Hoseok admired the man every day. And he’s never been caught until today. He makes eye  
contact with Hanuel and the handsome boy looks him up and down then smirks and Hoseok instantly becomes red.

The brown-haired boy runs into his office and sits at his desk to check emails. Hoseok has liked Hanuel ever since he saw him applying to work here. He had nice dark hair, his eyes were pretty, and his body was perfection.

Hanuel would constantly walk past Hoseok’s office and make eye contact with him. Hoseok becomes nervous and suspicious, ‘What if he knows I’m gay’. No one knew his little secret and he didn’t intend on telling anyone. There were a lot of people in Korea who were homophobic. He could lose workers and customers. Hoseok didn’t want to think of what could happen if everyone knew his secret. 

Hoseok hears a knock on his office door and he looks up. He sees Hanuel standing with a white apron, light blue skinny jeans and a black shirt on and he has flour patted on his cheeks. 

“Yes, Hanuel what is it?” Hoseok says nervously while trying to pay attention to his computer. 

Hanuel wipes his hands on his apron and steps forward. “Could you take a look at my recipes, I feel like they could really upgrade our menu.” 

Hoseok gets up from his desk and walks over to Hanuel. They stand shoulder to shoulder while looking at Hanuel’s ideas. 

Hoseok turns to smile at Hanuel, “These look really great Hanuel. Bring me some samples and we can maybe put them on the list.” 

Hanuel nods and stares at Hoseok. “Hey Hoseok hyung” Hanuel says smirking and his head tilted, “I was wondering if you’d like to come over to my house to hang out?”

“Um…uh…what?” Hoseok stutters out.

Hanuel laughs then comes closer to Hoseok and whispers in his ear, “I want you to come over, just you. It’ll be…fun” he says in a seductive tone. Somebody from the back of the coffee shop yells Hanuel’s name Hanuel steps back, “I’ll text you the address, I’ll see you there.” Hanuel walks away. And Hoseok thinks he’s dead.

\--

Closing time is almost here; and Hoseok can’t stop thinking about tonight. He was very worried but then again, he was excited. I mean the guy he’s liked for forever just invited him to his house. Alone. Maybe something would happen, honestly Hoseok was hoping something would happen. He could finally get rid of the virgin label he has on his back. Hoseok slams his head on his desk. ‘I’m 23 and still a virgin. Oh, my god I’ve got to get it together.’ 

\--

Hoseok was closing his shop when he spotted some really big guys walking down the street. He’s heard from multiple people they are criminals that haven’t been caught by the police. The police never have had enough evidence to catch them. Hoseok decided tonight was not the night he wanted to be killed so he walked fast to his car and blasted out of the parking lot. 

Hoseok pulled into the 2-story house he lived at. Hoseok had been doing pretty well for himself. He had a nice home, and nice car. Of course, he’s parents helped him out a little bit. They owned 4 factories around Korea and 1 in his hometown Gwangju. Hoseok wanted to live on his own and be on his own. So, he moved down to Seoul when he was 20 and opened a shop with the money his parents gave him. Hoseok used to live in a tiny apartment but thanks to his coffee shop, ‘Café Culture’ booming in business he got himself lots of nice things. 

Hoseok in his bathroom re-applying his bb-cream. He had to have nice skin to get laid, right? He had on light blue ripped skinny jeans and a black V-neck on. He had some confidence in what he was wearing, he hoped it was good enough for Hanuel. As soon as he was finished he headed down the stairs grabbed his keys then went back out to the car.

The whole car ride was quiet, except for Hoseok’s thoughts running everywhere and his nervousness bouncing of the wall. Hoseok carefully looked at the address as he pulled up to the small but nice house. ‘Hanuel must have been doing well for himself too’ 

Hoseok thought. He stepped out of the car then walked up to the door and paused right before he could ring the doorbell. Was he actually going to through with this? This was a once in a lifetime chance so he mustered up confidence and pressed the button.  
Hanuel opened the door wearing a blue and white tank top with black skinny jeans. Hoseok couldn’t stop staring at his arms. He caught himself before he could reach out to touch them. 

“Hey Hoseok how’s it going come in.” Hoseok stepped into the giant house and looked around. It was nicely decorated and had the lights low. “Welcome to my house, come on let’s go to the living room.” 

Hoseok followed him into the living room and lightly said, “Thanks for inviting me over I don’t usually go to people’s houses a lot.” Hoseok rubbed his arm awkwardly. 

“No problem, I thought you were pretty cool so I thought ‘why not’.” Hanuel stands in front of the movie case and turns to Hoseok, “We could watch a movie? You cool with that?”

“Yeah I’m definitely cool with that…” Hoseok says quietly.

Hanuel laughs slightly and picks a movie and puts it in. 

\--

The movie has been going on for about 40 minutes and out of the corner of his eye he sees Hanuel shuffle and turn to face Hoseok on the couch. Hanuel keeps staring at him and suddenly Hoseok’s face is completely red. Hoseok turns his head quickly and makes eye contact with the boy next to him.

“I know you think I’m hot.” He pauses “I’ve seen you staring at me a couple of times” he leans forward, “and by staring, I mean checking me out.”

So maybe Hoseok isn’t as sly as he likes to think. The only thing he could now is apologize, “I’m sorry is shouldn’t have- “ 

Hanuel cuts him off and stands right in front of him, “You could see my body up close if you’d like” he waits, “Would you like that?” Hoseok stays quiet. Hanuel pulls off his tank top and Hoseok takes in his defined torso. Hanuel stands between Hoseok’s legs, grabs Hoseok’s hand then places it on his abs. 

Hoseok is in awe. He never would have thought he would be touching Hanuel in such a way.

Hanuel takes this time to make Hoseok stand and then pull of Hoseok’s shirt. Hanuel pulls their bodies close together and starts sucking on Hoseok’s neck. The nervous man tries his best to control the noises that slip out of his mouth but it’s hard when it is the first time ever being done to you. Hoseok is starting to feel hot and he jumps when Hanuel runs his cold hand across Hoseok’s back. 

“Don’t be so nervous” Hanuel sneaks out of his mouth then moves to kiss Hoseok on the lips. It feels forced to Hoseok, he doesn’t feel right. But he rules it out as just being nervous so Hoseok pushes more into the kiss. Hanuel runs his tongue across Hoseok’s bottom lip gaining access to Hoseok’s mouth. Hoseok feels moderately calm until Hanuel forcefully puts his hand on Hoseok’s member then strokes him through his jeans. Hanuel bites Hoseok’s lip, and the nervous male tries to pull away but Hanuel grips  
Hoseok’s wrist even tighter. 

Hoseok doesn’t like this. He thought first times were supposed to be soft not rough. Hoseok pushes Hanuel back and says, “No, stop. You’re being too rough.”

“Or maybe you’re just a pussy” Hanuel hisses out, “I invited you here to have sex with you, and that’s what intend to do” he starts walking forward. Hoseok starts stepping backwards but is stopped by the couch. “Now lay down on the couch before I make you.” 

Hoseok at this point is scared but he can’t have sex with Hanuel it’s not right, he doesn’t want to. “No Hanuel, I c-can’t” 

Hanuel grabs Hoseok’s wrist, “Did you just say no to me?” Hanuel pushes Hoseok down to the couch so he is laying on his belly and holds his wrists even tighter, to the point where it is hurting Hoseok. Hanuel pulls down Hoseok’s pants with one hand.

Hoseok tries his best to pull away but Hanuel is stronger than him. “Please stop Hanuel, PLEASE” Hoseok says through his voice cracking. 

Hanuel clicks his tongue then laughs, “I don’t think so, I’ll be getting what I want.”

Hoseok hears Hanuel unzip his pants and then feels Hanuel’s member on Hoseok butt. Hanuel spits on his member than forcefully pushes inside Hoseok. Hoseok screams out in pain, “You better shut the fuck up or it’ll get worse.” Hanuel says.

Hoseok doesn’t know what he can do besides cry and wait till it’s over. All Hoseok feels is pain, he feels himself being stretched more than he can take. He doesn’t know if he is bleeding or not. He doesn’t want know. “Please, please, please stop” Is all he can say, it comes out as a quiet whisper. But it doesn’t stop. Hanuel keeps going until he cums inside of Hoseok. 

Hanuel pulls out and let’s go of Hoseok wrists. Hoseok sees Hanuel walk into the bathroom and after a few minutes he hears the shower turn on. Hoseok takes this chance to sit up. The pain is too much but he has to get out of here. He pushes up, grabs his shirt and his phone then runs as fast as he can out of the house, he almost falls in the process. Hoseok gets in the car and then speeds away. 

 

Hoseok makes it to his house and sits in his driveway for 20 minutes replaying the scene in his head repeatedly. Hoseok opens the mirror in front of him and sees his red eyes and tear tracks. He takes in deep breaths and closes his eyes and manages to calm down and his face turns back to normal for the most part. He gets out of the car and limps to the front door. Each step he takes he feels pain from his butt to his back. And his wrists have developed bruises. He slowly makes his way up the steps in his house and he hisses every time he goes up one. Hoseok makes it to his room and looks himself in the mirror. He thinks of how he could have prevented this and that he’s stupid for even believing things would go good for him. The traumatized man sits in his bed and inspects the pink and purple bruises on his wrist. He says to himself how he would have to wear long sleeves from now on.  
Hoseok decides he just needs to go to bed and forget. He takes his pants off and notices red splatters on the back. He makes his way to the bathroom and checks himself, turns out he was bleeding during the hell that Hoseok went through. 

“I’ll get in the shower, get clean, then sleep, everything will be okay.” He consoles himself. The water gets turned on and Hoseok sets it to hot/warm. After it gets warm Hoseok steps in and stands directly under the water. He lets it run down his shoulders, and down his arms. Showers always helped with Hoseok’s anxiety. Whenever he was rejected from companies or life got to be too much. He stands in the same spot for 10 minutes, then starts to wash his body. The memory of tonight is shoved to the back of his mind until he has to wash his backside. He mentally cringes and instantly feels like trash. He wonders when his sadness will ever end.

Hoseok puts on warm clothes and gets into bed. The whole night he tosses and turns. Every time he closes his eyes all he can see is Hanuel pushing him down onto the couch. He cries for he doesn’t know how long. All he knows is that the first time he gets to sleep the alarm goes off.

“Fuck” Hoseok says to himself. He manages to sit up but this morning the pain is worse. “How am I going to be able to work today?” Hoseok rubs his eyes. Hoseok steps out of bed and stops to inspect himself in the mirror. He has dark circles, bags under his eyes, and tear streaks. He looks like a mess. He doesn’t want to see himself ever again. 

Hoseok is in the kitchen waiting for his toast to pop up. Hoseok hears his ringtone and limps over to it. His mom is calling. He answers. 

“Hi mom. What do you need?”

[Well I just wanted to hear from my son. How is the business going?] She asks stiffly.

“It’s fine. I wasn’t going to go in today actually…”

[What? You’re skipping to do what? Dance?] She laughs like a villain in a movie would into the phone.

“No mom. I’m not feeling well.”

[Not feeling “well” is not an excuse mister. You have to be aware business is not an easy place where people feel bad because you’re sick Hoseok. You should know this by now.”]

Hoseok hears his father in the background saying ‘Give him a break YuSeong he’s still young’ 

He can hear his mom say to his father, ‘He needs to work or go to school, his dancing is going to get him nowhere.’ 

He stops and plays those words in his head. ‘She’s right I’m not going anywhere in life’ he thinks. “Mom, I have to go bye.” She starts to say something but he wasn’t listening and hung up the phone.


	2. The Quiet

Hoseok took some pain medication right before he left for work. It was helping but not enough. Thank god it was Friday. He walked into the café and a few people stared at him then started whispering to the next person. Hoseok gave them his mean boss look and they got back to work.

He walked to the back to make sure they were working. Hoseok was about to turn the corner but he heard Hanuel’s voice.

“He was practically begging. You know I couldn’t give in, I told him ‘No Hoseok, I’m not a fag like you’.” Hanuel laughs.

The people around him gasped, “How are you not getting fired man?”

“I told him I would sue if he tried.” 

Fag. That word cut like a knife. Fag. Everybody knew. Fag. That’s exactly what Hoseok knew he was. A disgusting Fag.

Hoseok turned around and left and sat on the wall behind the cafe. He can’t help but to cry. He tries to make himself cry quietly no one would want to hear his ugly voice.

Hoseok calms himself down and walks back in. He gets even more stares. Hoseok drops his head and walks to his office until closing time.

\--

 

Min Yoongi was a 24-year-old senior in college. His best friends are two other seniors: Seokjin, and Namjoon. And 3 juniors: Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook. Yoongi has always been pretty quiet but his friends brought him out of his shell. He was shy and scared to talk in case of offending them and let people walk all over him. But now Yoongi doesn’t take shit from anyone, he’s turned to a strong willed, and sassy man. And he stands his ground very well. 

The whole gang is walking down the street at 12:30am. It was Jimin’s 22nd birthday and they were just coming back from the surprise party Jimin’s friends threw for him. They were moderately drunk but not fully. It was too dangerous to walk around Seoul drunk. 

All the guys were laughing and singing happy birthday to Jimin for the 5th time. Taehyung stops singing when he sees a man lying on the ground clutching his stomach and sobbing. “Guys. Guys” Everyone stops and stares at Taehyung, “Look, there is a guy over there. He looks hurt.” Taehyung points and everyone turns. 

Yoongi starts moving closer but Namjoon pulls him back, “Hyung you can’t go over there he could be crazy.” 

“Namjoon he’s hurt and crying we have to help” he pauses, “Look I’ll bring Jungkook with me in case he starts attacking me.” He grabs Jungkook’s arm and pulls him to the hurt man. As they get closer they can see he has bruises all over him and blood on his face and arms. “Um. Hey are you okay?”

The man opens his eyes and they widen. He starts whimpering then scoots away. “Please don’t hurt me.” 

Yoongi looks at Jungkook then back at the stranger, “Woah. We aren’t going to hurt you. We want to help.” Yoongi says putting his hands up. He walks closer. He gets on his knees in front the man and reaches to pat his shoulder. 

The man flinches and moves back, “I don’t need help. Don’t touch me” He tried to stand up but instantly falls back down.

Seokjin walks up beside Jungkook, “We can help I promise” He gives the man a soft smile. The man looks up at Seokjin and nods his head. Seokjin puts his hand out and the man grabs it. “Were going to have to take you to the hospital” “But I don’t have my car at the moment so… you’ll have to get on Jungkook’s back” he pauses, “Sorry.”

Jungkook leans down, Yoongi and Seokjin help the man onto the strong 20-year old’s back. They walk to the nearest Hospital. It took about 10 minutes before they arrived. 

They walk in the doors and Jungkook lets the man off his back. Everyone; including the strange man; walks up to the front desk, Yoongi looks at the small women behind the desk and plainly says, “We found this guy and uh well- he needs help. Like now.”

The lady at the front desk gives him a weird look and nods, “What’s his name?” 

Yoongi turns to look at the man, “What’s your name?”

“Hoseok.” He clears his throat “Jung Hoseok.” 

Yoongi slightly opens his mouth and his brows furrow. Hoseok flickers his eyes to look at Yoongi. Yoongi looks at him in confusion then looks at the ground. 

“Looks like it’ll be another hour.” The lady says.

Yoongi glares at her, “An hour?” he laughs “An hour, you must think I’m stupid he’s getting in now.” The women widened her eyes in disbelief. 

Jimin pulls Yoongi back and softly smiles at the women, “Listen our friend Hoseok really needs some help so if he could get in now it would be amazing.” Jimin sends her his boyish charms. 

Taehyung and Jungkook realize what he is up to and join in the game. Jungkook leans his head to the side and gives her a sad look, “We really want him to get better could you help?”

Taehyung chimes in, “We need him in now. Please”

The women stares at all three of the handsome boys and nods her head vigorously, “I can get him a room” Yoongi turns to look at Namjoon with a ‘what the hell just happened face’ Namjoon laughs. “I have room 201 open, you can take a wheelchair there.” All   
the boys thank her and Jimin sends her wink. The women blushes then turns to her computer. 

The guys walk into the room and get Hoseok on the bed. The 3 youngest sit across the room and play on their phones. Namjoon and Seokjin are holding hands by the wall flirting as always. And Yoongi is on the other wall staring at Hoseok.

Hoseok tries to pull his attention away from the blond man. ‘Why is he staring at me’ Hoseok thinks. 

“Ah. I just realized you don’t know our names.” The man wearing the pink sweater says. “I’m Kim Seokjin, this is Kim Namjoon, that’s Kim Taehyung, Park Jimin, Jeon Jungkook, and that’s-“

“I’m Min Yoongi” He says with his jaw clenched. 

Hoseok’s eyes widened and he turn his head quickly. He cheeks were bright pink, ‘What the hell’ ‘How did we find each other?’ Hoseok thought. “It’s nice to meet you all”

The nurse comes in and cleans Hoseok up and gives him some stiches. The nurse gives him instructions on how to take care of his bruises. He thanks her then she informs him he could leave tonight. 

“So where do you live? Seokjin can get his car and take you home.” Namjoon says. 

Hoseok tells Seokjin where he lives and Namjoon, and Seokjin leave to get his car. Taehyung, Jungkook, and Jimin had to leave to go back to their dorms. So, the only people left were Hoseok and Yoongi. 

“When did you move to Seoul?” Yoongi asked.

“Doesn’t matter” Hoseok said flatly.

“Okay.” Yoongi doesn’t know how he managed to find Hoseok again but it was definitely fate. “What happened to you why were you beat up?”

“Some guys mugged me then beat me.” Hoseok says simply.

Yoongi nods then his phone rings he got a call from Seokjin saying they were downstairs with the car. Hoseok got up and hissed at the pain. “I can help you Hobi- Hoseok. Sorry.”

“I don’t need your help. I can walk on my own.”

Yoongi moves closer and holds onto Yoongi’s arm, “No you can’t, please let me help.”

“GET OFF ME” Hoseok yells. Yoongi backs up and waits for Hoseok to walk to the door. He kept his head low. He couldn’t help what happened in the past it wasn’t his fault. He never meant to hurt Hoseok. Yoongi had to do it for Hoseok’s safety. 

Yoongi is pulled out of his thoughts when he sees Hoseok fall. Yoongi runs over and pulls Hoseok off the ground. He helps him get into the car and buckle him in. Then Seokjin drives off. 

 

They arrive at Hoseok’s house and Namjoon and Yoongi help him into the house. They put him into his bed. With Seokjin right behind them in case of something going wrong.

When Hoseok is in his bed he mumbles, “Why- why are you guys being nice?”

Seokjin smiles at him, “Because it’s good to be nice to everyone. You never know what’s happening in their life.” Seokjin pats Hoseok’s shoulder. 

Namjoon looks at his watch, “Its 2am we really have to go hyungs.” They all walk out of the door and wave “Get better Hoseok, I’ll see you around.”


	3. Suburbia

Hoseok woke up at 7am. He didn’t get a lot of sleep due to him having nightmares when he tried. It was the third time he had woken up during the night. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to go back to sleep fully so he got up. He went to his pocket to pull out his phone but instead found something else. 

Hoseok sat on his bed and pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. It had all six guys’ numbers on them. Seokjin insisted that he have all their numbers in case of an emergency. 

He shook his head and laid the piece of paper on his bedside table. He was still sore from both that terrible night and when he got beaten up. He decided to get up and get some pain killers to help him through the day. 

He walked to the bathroom connected to his room and opened the mirror and scuffled through the cabinet. He finally found some pain pills, he read the bottle and it said to take 2 for his size. 

Before he put the pills in his mouth he examined the bottle. ‘I could end it all. Right now.’ He would have wish, to be dead. Hoseok opened the cap and poured about 10 more pills in his hand. He walked back to his room and sat on the bed. He stared at them, then lifted them to his mouth. 

He poured them in his mouth. Then swallowed them down with water. He got under his covers and laid on his side. He closed his eyes and a single tear fell onto his sheets. Hoseok opened his eyes and the piece of paper that he got from the guys caught his attention. He stared at it. It was suddenly hard to breath. Hoseok jumped up and ran to the bathroom then sat in front of the toilet. He stuck two fingers down his throat and made himself vomit. Hoseok was crying as he tried to clean the pills out of his system. 

When he finished, he sat back, pulled himself into a ball and sobbed on the floor. He looked up and his phone caught his gaze. He lifted his arm up and grabbed it. He crawled back into his room. He crawled till he got close to the piece of paper on the table. He grabbed it and dialed a number and pressed call.

[Hello?]

“Help please…”

[Hoseok I’m coming over. Stay awake for me I’ll be in a second, don’t move.]

Hoseok told him he needed help again through sobs then hung up the phone. He laid down on the floor and passed out. 

 

Yoongi drove as fast as he could over to Hoseok’s. He didn’t know what the boy meant by ‘help’ but Yoongi knew it meant to get to Hoseok fast. 

Yoongi pulled in and jumped out of the car. He didn’t take the time to knock. He barged in and continuously yelled Hoseok’s name. He got no answer. Yoongi checked every room but finally walked into a room that looked like it belonged to Hoseok. 

He walked in slow, “Hoseok? Are you in here?” “Hoseok” Yoongi walked on the other side of the bed and spotted an unconscious man on the floor holding the note and his phone. Yoongi fell to his knees and shook Hoseok, “Hoseok, please, please wake up” “Hoseok please.”

It didn’t seem like he was waking up. Yoongi took his pulse. He was still alive. ‘I can wake him, I have to’ Yoongi thought. He shook and yelled Hoseok’s name more. 

Hoseok fluttered his eyes open, “Yoongi?” He began to cry. 

Yoongi pulled him into a hug, “It’s okay Hoseok, I’m here. It’s okay.” Hoseok sobbed into his chest. And Yoongi continued to console him and rub his back. 

When Hoseok calmed down Yoongi pulled him onto the bed and ran downstairs to get water and something small to eat for Hoseok. Yoongi returned and gave the sniffling boy his water and food. 

Yoongi sat on the bed, “What happened?” “Why were you passed out?” 

“It doesn’t matter.” Hoseok gnawed on his orange piece. 

Yoongi furrowed his eyebrows and frowned. “It doesn’t matter? You seem to say that a lot.” He stood up, “Hoseok you were laying on the fucking floor balling your eyes out” “I think I deserve to know.”

Hoseok looked at him then dropped his hands into his lap. His head hanging low, “I can’t say. I-I can’t”

Yoongi sat on the bed next to Hoseok facing him, “You can tell me Hoseok, I promise no one will know except me and you.” 

Hoseok hesitated, “I took pills. I took them to help my pain then I got carried away and swallowed too many” he couldn’t look Yoongi in the eyes.

“You swallowed too many? By accident or on purpose?”

Hoseok stayed silent. 

“Please tell me, please” Yoongi placed a gentle hand on Hoseok’s arm.

“On purpose” Tears started falling out of Hoseok’s eyes. 

“Oh Hoseok…” Yoongi pulled him in for another hug. “Look let’s forget about it. Here we can just chill out.” Yoongi made Hoseok get under the covers. Then Yoongi joined him. He pulled Hoseok over, put his arm around him and cuddled him. Hoseok laid his head on his chest. “Whatever is happening with you, we can get through it together.” “I will always be here for you.” “I know we haven’t talked in years but I’m here to help you.”

Eventually the two boys fell asleep. And Hoseok stayed asleep for the whole time. 

Hoseok woke up at 1:27pm feeling refreshed. He went to stretch his arms but he was in someone’s tight grip. He looked up and saw a blond man peacefully sleeping ‘Oh yeah Yoongi hyung.’ Hoseok stared at him for a while. Yoongi glowed even in his sleep. He never got to fully take in Yoongi’s appearance. He sure was pretty. His hair looked soft, his skin was clear, and he had nice pink lips. ‘He sure grew up’ Hoseok thought.

“Do you always stare at people?”

Hoseok widened his eyes ‘Shit I’m screwed’. He laid his head back down on Yoongi’s chest. 

Yoongi brushed back Hoseok’s hair, “How do you feel?” “Did you sleep well” Yoongi said with a raspy voice. 

Hoseok’s stomach fluttered and he blushed, “I’m okay” he sat up, “and I slept really good, the best actually.”

Yoongi smiled at him then turned his attention to his phone. He had 4 missed calls from Seokjin and a few texts from the group message the guys have. “Ah I need to call Seokjin he’s basically my mom. He’s probably worried” he put the phone to his ear then got out of bed, “I’ll be back.” 

What has Hoseok got himself into. ‘I can’t suddenly have a crush on Yoongi.’ ‘But Yoongi is so sweet to me and he’s so handsome’ ‘No shut up Hoseok you can’t’ ‘Not after what he said to you, don’t bring back these feeelings’

Yoongi walks back in, “I told him I’d stay a little longer, is that okay?” Hoseok nods. “Okay cool, I could make you breakfast, are you up for eating?”

“I guess I could try” Hoseok says softly.

Yoongi smiles, “Then let’s go downs stairs.” Hoseok follows Yoongi downstairs into the kitchen. “I don’t want to you doing any work just sit. I’m sure I can make my way around your kitchen. Somehow.”

Hoseok laughs to himself every time Yoongi curses because he opened the wrong cabinet. Hoseok tries to help him but Yoongi waves the help away saying how ‘he’s got this’ don’t worry’. Yoongi somehow gets all the ingredients and tools ready and begins cooking.

It smells divine to Hoseok. He would love for Yoongi to cook for him every day. 

Yoongi sets a plate in front of Hoseok. It has bacon, eggs, pancakes, and a strawberry placed very carefully. “I hope you like it, I tried really hard.”

“I can see that.” Hoseok takes a bite and his eyes light up. “Yoongi hyung this is really good. You are such a good chef.” Hoseok eats everything on his plate. Yoongi feels happy that he likes his cooking and that Hoseok is eating good.

 

While Yoongi and Hoseok are sat on the couch watching t.v., Hoseok starts feeling sick. He grabs his stomach and covers his mouth and sprints to the bathroom. 

Yoongi runs after Hoseok and sees him vomiting his breakfast up. Yoongi sits behind Hoseok and rubs circles with his hand on Hoseok’s back. He tells Hoseok that he is okay and it’ll be over soon. Hoseok is sobbing and his vomiting won’t stop. Yoongi feels horrible, he can’t do anything but tell Hoseok everything will be okay.

Hoseok finishes and Yoongi cleans his mouth with a washcloth. He wipes the tears off Hoseok’s face and caresses his face. “I’m sorry you have to go through this” Hoseok leans into his touch then puts his face into Yoongi’s neck. 

 

The two end up back in Hoseok’s bed. But this time Hoseok is the only one asleep. Yoongi is fully awake and running his hands through Hoseok’s hair. Yoongi can’t stop thinking about why Hoseok attempted suicide. Hoseok has never been this sad. From what 

Yoongi knows. Of course, they didn’t talk for about 5 years. Hoseok wouldn’t spare him a glance after the words Yoongi had said to him. He did miss Hoseok during those times but Hoseok needed distance and Yoongi agreed to stay away from him. Now that 

Yoongi thinks about it he’s falling even harder for the broken boy. Yoongi wants to mend Hoseok back together. He notices there are bruises on his wrist. They look pretty fresh, they couldn’t have been from him getting beat up. It’s all around his wrists like someone was holding them tight. 

“Yoongi hyung?” 

Yoongi looks down, “Yes Hoseok?”

“Could you hand me the water?” Hoseok asks. 

“Yeah” Yoongi reaches over and gives the water to Hoseok. Hoseok sits up and takes a drink of the water, he’s gulping it down fast. “Yah drink it slow.” Hoseok slows down then put the glass down on the table. 

Hoseok avoids eye contact with Yoongi’s dark eyes, “So how long are you staying?”

Yoongi drops his gaze then sits up, “If you want me to leave now I can, it’s whatever you want.”

Hoseok chews on his bottom lip, “That’s not what I meant. I want you to stay…” 

“Oh. Okay. I’ll stay then.” He pauses, “This is off topic but do you even like the rest of the guys?”

“Yeah, I do it’s just I haven’t really talked to them. Ever really” Hoseok explains. 

Yoongi nods his head, “Okay good I’ll tell them.”

“You know they could come over and hangout with us…”

Yoongi looks to Hoseok and slightly smiles, “Really?” but then he frowns, “are you sure your up for people Hoseok you haven’t been feeling well?” 

“Yes, I’m sure. I want to get to know them.” 

“Alright well I’ll text them we can have a movie night tonight.” Yoongi texts in the group chat: the plans and Hoseok’s address. All the boys agree to come over. Yoongi just hopes Hoseok will be okay.


	4. Talk me down

Hoseok doesn’t regret wanting to invite the rest of the boys over. He felt like he needed to, they all cared for him. Helped him when he needed it. Hoseok wants to trust them. 

Yoongi was off at his own house to pick up another change of clothes, and Hoseok was in his kitchen cooking a pizza for everyone to eat later tonight. He knew he wouldn’t be able to eat it. If he couldn’t eat Yoongi’s breakfast how could he eat a simple pizza?

Hoseok wanted to apologize to Yoongi for throwing up his breakfast. It’s just he didn’t want to bring up the situation again. 

Hoseok hears the door open and sees Yoongi walk into the kitchen, “I’m back” Yoongi stands next to the oven, “How’s your cooking going”

“It’s going good. All the guys like pizza, right?”

Yoongi turned to lean on the counter, “Of course they do. They could eat it every day.”

Hoseok smiles, “Good”.

\--

All the guys arrive and greet Hoseok and Yoongi. Hoseok laid out plates on the table with pizza on them so they started eating. Hoseok thought it would be awkward but it wasn’t, not one bit. Taehyung made jokes and everyone would laugh. Some of them would make fun of Namjoon, but just because they love him. Hoseok was actually having fun, for once in the past week. He really enjoyed everyone’s company, he made some progress on bonding with them. 

After eating they decided to watch a couple of movies in the living room. Seokjin and Namjoon were sitting on one end of the couch together, Tae sitting next to Namjoon, Jimin and Jungkook were sat on the two bean bag chairs on the floor, and Yoongi and Hoseok were on the other side of the couch, sitting rather close to each other. They started with a comedy movie that had just came out in Korea. Then, they watched a scary movie. 

Hoseok hated scary movies. While Jungkook and Namjoon were laughing at the gory scenes, Hoseok hid his face in his hands. Hoseok uncovered his eyes for 1 second and another jump scare came. He yelped then hid his face back into his hands. Hoseok’s heart was beating fast and he felt his anxiety creeping up. He felt a pair of hands tugging his own hands away from his face. 

Yoongi whispered, “You don’t have to be afraid it’s just a movie. Plus, I’m right here” Yoongi took a hold of Hoseok hand and intertwined his fingers with Hoseok’s. “Just squeeze my hand if you feel scared.”

Hoseok nodded and turned his head as quick as he could to hide his blush. 

The third movie they watched was quite sad. It had a girl in it that was kidnapped by a crazy guy. Hoseok had never seen it but Seokjin said it was good. 

As Hoseok was watching he could tell what was about to happen next. The crazy guy was taking off his belt, and the girl was sobbing screaming ‘NO, PLEASE’. Hoseok tried to avoid his eyes but he could still here everything happening.

Hoseok’s throat started to close up and he was feeling sweaty. The more the scene went on, the more Hoseok shook. He started to panic. He got up from the couch and everyone looked at him, “Sorry I just have to go to the bathroom.” He said with a fake smile. 

Yoongi didn’t believe that smile for one second. He saw as soon as the guy started going after the girl that Hoseok was trembling, and he saw how Hoseok’s eyes were darting from one thing to another. Yoongi gave him the benefit of the doubt and waited 5 minutes. Hoseok never came back so Yoongi got up without an explanation and went to check on Hoseok. Yoongi knocked on the door, “Hoseok, it’s me Yoongi. Everything cool? Can I come in?” 

The door opens and Hoseok pulls him in and shuts the door. Hoseok puts his head into Yoongi’s chest and breathes extremely hard. 

Yoongi lifts his head, “Are you okay, what’s happening?” he says, concern filling his voice. 

“I don’t know I can’t breathe.” Hoseok pants out. 

They hear a knock on the door and a voice speaking, “It’s Jungkook. Are you guys okay?”

“Can I let him in? He can help too.” Yoongi asks Hoseok. He nods so Yoongi pulls the door open and tells to Jungkook to get in quick. 

Jungkook stares at Hoseok, “What’s wrong?” 

Yoongi brushes his hand through Hoseok’s hair, “I don’t know.”

“He looks like he’s having a panic attack” he walks closer to Hoseok, “Do you have bad anxiety?” Hoseok nods, “Yep, panic attack. I have bad anxiety too. You just need to breath and focus on something to calm you down” he looks at Yoongi, “Hyung talk to him,   
Hoseok hyung focus on his voice.” “I gotta go back and tell them everything’s okay” Jungkook walks out and leaves Yoongi and Hoseok to themselves. 

“Okay. Um Hoseok” Hoseok whips his head around to look at him with tears welling in his eyes. Yoongi grabs Hoseok’s hand and locks his fingers with the other boy. “Okay just calm down. Everything will be fine. You know later tonight we can play games and talk. It’ll be fun and you’ll forget the movie even happened.” 

Hoseok soothes his breath and focuses on Yoongi. The movie wasn’t the worst of Hoseok’s problems. Yes, he could forget the movie but he will never forget the night he was raped. 

 

Yoongi and Hoseok walk out of the bathroom and back into the living room. Yoongi makes eye contact with everyone in the room, “Hey guys can we please turn the movie off and play a game or something?” 

Everyone looked at him confused. “Yeah we can” Jimin walks to the DVD player and pulls out the movie. 

\--

Each of the 7 guys brought a board game to play. They first played Monopoly and it was a total disaster. Taehyung was getting bored so he secretly moved things on the board while no one was paying attention, and Yoongi kept cheating, he was stealing money from people.

They settled on playing Life. It went pretty well until Jungkook started teasing Jimin about how bad his life was in the game and then Jimin quit. 

They played games for a long time but then went to karaoke and Just Dance. All the boys had fun and they even made a competition out of it. The loser had to drink a whole carton of milk in 1 minute and of course the loser was Namjoon. 

 

It was now 3am and all the boys made their way to the bedrooms around Hoseok’s house. Namjoon and Seokjin were in Hoseok’s room. And Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook were in the guest room at the end of the hall.

Seokjin made Hoseok and Yoongi sleep in Hoseok’s parents guest room. He said it would be awkward sleeping in there with Namjoon. Hoseok obliged and they made their way to the bedroom. 

Hoseok got into the bed and under the covers and Yoongi stood in the door way awkwardly.

“You know you can sleep in the bed, it’s just my parents room chill out.”

Yoongi shrugs then makes his way under the covers. The two boys are laying facing each other. The room was silent until Yoongi started talking. 

Yoongi opened his eyes to stare at Hoseok, “I’m just curious, but why- why did you have a panic attack about the movie?” 

Hoseok quickly opened his eyes and stared back. He shook his head then turned around, “I just had a panic attack it wasn’t about the movie.” “Don’t worry about it it’s over”

“I’m going to worry Hoseok. I always will. You know this.” Yoongi sat up, “You’re not a good liar Hoseok believe it or not,” Yoongi chuckled. “I could tell that part in the movie made you upset”

Hoseok turned around and snapped, “Nothing is happening. Just leave me alone.”

Yoongi’s eyes widened, he pushed the covers away from him and got out of the bed. He walked over to the door and opened it. He paused, “I saw the bruises on your wrists… I could tell they weren’t from the beating. You could just tell me the truth.” Yoongi walked out and shut the door. 

Hoseok knew he couldn’t tell Yoongi there was no way. But he didn’t want to lie to him either. Tears started slipping down his face. He pulled a pillow over him to stop his voice from being too loud while he sobbed. 

He ruined everything he had. His privacy, having friends, and his sanity. ‘I can’t do anything right’ ‘I might as well die.’

The door suddenly opened but Hoseok wasn’t paying attention. Yoongi stood in the doorway and listened to Hoseok sob, he originally left his phone in the room so he went back to get it. He didn’t plan on seeing Hoseok crying. He walked over to Hoseok, took the pillow off his head and hugged him.

“I didn’t mean to make you cry…” “I’m sorry” Yoongi hugged him even tighter. “I’m sorry”

Hoseok melted into his touch and began to quiet down. Hoseok decided it was time to trust Yoongi and tell him his secret. “I want to tell you what happened…”

Yoongi pulled back and turned on the lamp beside him. Yoongi sat and waited for Hoseok to start. He didn’t say anything in case of the sad boy of changing his mind.

Hoseok waits a few minutes to try to get his story ready. He wipes his eyes then starts, “Um. Well. This guy I work with, Gi Hanuel had invited me to his house on Thursday.” Yoongi nodded his head. “We hung out for a little bit and then he started staring at me.   
He said he saw me looking at him at work sometimes. I was stupid to even look at him in the first place.” Hoseok sniffled, “Anyways he got up and took his shirt off. He pulled me up then started kissing my neck.”

Yoongi was already pissed. He wasn’t expecting the person he loves to tell him about his sex story. 

“Things got heated but then he started getting too rough. He was gripping my wrists too hard. I tried to pull back but he wouldn’t let me. So, I pushed him back, I told him no I don’t want to do anything but he wouldn’t listen, he threatened me and-a” he dropped his head then started crying, “He raped m-me…” Hoseok tried to compose himself but the tears were too strong.

Yoongi’s blood was boiling. He could kill this Hanuel guy if he wanted to. He even thought about jumping off the bed then driving to wherever Hanuel was and beating him senseless. Instead he calmed down and looked at Hoseok with sorrow. Yoongi put his hand on the back of Hoseok’s neck and then leaned forward and hugged him again. He repeatedly said ‘I’m sorry Hoseok’. 

Yoongi couldn’t stop thinking about how much pain Hoseok must have been, how much he was struggling to get away. Tears poured out of Yoongi’s eyes. “Thank you for trusting me Hoseok. If I could have stopped it from happening I would have. You didn’t deserve that.” “I wish I could beat Hanuel for what he did to you.” Yoongi gritted his teeth. 

“NO. Please don’t, I don’t want any more trouble from him.” Hoseok pleaded.

“Hoseok, he needs to learn his lesson.”

“Then I’ll talk to him. Just don’t tell anyone. Please…” “I’m trusting you…” Hoseok says quietly.

Yoongi smiled. That was the first time Hoseok said he trusted him. “Alright, but if he gives you more trouble. He’s dead.”

Hoseok dried his tears then smiled at Yoongi, “Okay hyung. Can we go to bed now?”

Yoongi nodded, then they both got under the covers. Hoseok scooted over closer to Yoongi, put his head on his shoulder, then wrapped an arm around his waist. 

Yoongi thought to himself, ‘How am I going to be able to control my feelings for Hoseok?’


	5. for him.

Yoongi and Hoseok are sleeping peacefully together on this fine Sunday morning. Well until they hear a couple of voices saying- no screaming their names. 

“HOSEOK AND YOONGI HYUNGS ARE SO CUTE. MY HEART AGH” Taehyung says a little too loud.

“Hyung they’ll hear you shut up” Jungkook scolds. 

“Nah they’ll stay asleep” Jimin pipes in with his arms crossed staring at the two in the bed. 

Yoongi cracks open his eyes, “We won’t stay asleep if you three idiots don’t get out of here” Yoongi says slightly annoyed. The three boys run out of the room in panic. 

Hoseok giggles a bit. Yoongi’s heart jumped out of his chest. He hasn’t heard Hoseok’s sweet laugh in years. Yoongi stares at Hoseok wishing he could kiss him but sadly the other wouldn’t appreciate that. Yoongi starts having flashbacks of when to two used to be so lovey dovey in the past. He misses it. 

 

-flashback-  
Hoseok and Yoongi had confessed their feelings for each a couple of months ago. Hoseok being 17 and Yoongi 18 they were both kind of new to the whole relationship thing. 

They were sat in Yoongi’s room. Hoseok face was completely red because of Yoongi saying he loved him and then kissing him. Yoongi pulled back and chuckled at Hoseok’s face. Hoseok hit him on the arm and put his face into Yoongi’s shoulder. Yoongi brought his arm around Hoseok and hugged him tight. Hoseok pulled back and brought Yoongi into a love filled kiss. They weren’t paying any attention when Yoongi’s father came in and pulled them apart. He slapped Yoongi on the face. Hoseok yelped and coward into the corner. 

Yoongi held his face and tried to get up to comfort Hoseok but his father pushed him down and yelled in his face. “YOU ARE DISGUSTING” Yoongi’s father turned to Hoseok, “GET OUT OF MY HOUSE JUNG HOSEOK’. Hoseok ran out crying, he wanted to help Yoongi but Yoongi’s father would for sure try to hurt him. 

A few days passed and Hoseok hadn’t heard from Yoongi. At all. He didn’t come to school, he didn’t call or text. Hoseok was worried. About an hour later he hears the doorbell ring, he opens the door and sees Yoongi with bruises on his eyes and on his arms. He went to hug Yoongi but he stopped Hoseok. 

“After my dad and I talked, I decided we can’t date or talk anymore. And that I’m not gay. I don’t want to be a homo. I never want to see you again Hoseok. I hate you. You are a disgusting person and evil for making me think I was gay.” Yoongi turned and walked away.

Hoseok couldn’t believe the words coming out of Yoongi’s mouth. He stood in the doorway looking at the ground with his mouth wide open. Tears fell onto his face. He slammed the door shut and ran to his bedroom. He locked the door and fell to the ground and sobbed for hours upon hours. His parents couldn’t get a word out of him. He wondered why Yoongi would say these words to him. 

\--  
Yoongi walked to the car in shame. He got in and said nothing. “Good job son. He deserved it. You said everything I told you correct?” His father asked. 

Yoongi nodded slowly then turned his head towards the window to hide his tears. Yoongi’s dad patted him on the back, “Good, hopefully that homo won’t talk to you anymore.”  
-end of flashback-

 

“I’m sorry” Yoongi says quietly.

Hoseok looks up at Yoongi, “About what hyung?”

“All the things I said to you back then.” Hoseok sits up and stares at Yoongi. “But I don’t know if you’ll listen but the reason I said them is to protect you Hoseok.”

Hoseok scrunched up his face and his brows furrowed in anger, “How was saying all that protecting me?” “You hurt me. Really bad hyung” “I loved you”

Yoongi cuts in, “I loved you too Hoseok, so much.” 

Tears welded in Hoseok’s eyes, “Then why did you say that stuff.” 

Yoongi moved closer to Hoseok, but he backed away. “My father made me say all of it. He said if I didn’t he would hurt you really bad. I couldn’t let that happen, so I took the beating and went to your house to tell you.” He dropped his head in shame, “I’m so sorry Hoseok” Yoongi couldn’t stop crying, his shoulders shook, and he was hiccupping. 

Hoseok never knew Yoongi’s devil of a father told him to say all of it. He should have known when Yoongi would come to school with cuts and bruises all over him. Hoseok looked at Yoongi sobbing uncontrollably, his heart broke in two. Hoseok wrapped his arms around Yoongi’s waist and held him tight. “I’m sorry Yoongi. You shouldn’t be the one to apologize it should be me.” He pauses, “You took all those beatings for me…” Hoseok pulled back and Yoongi wiped his eyes. “Yoongi I-I” he pauses, “I love you.” 

Yoongi cries even harder and grabs onto Hoseok’s shirt, “I love you too Hobi” Hoseok leans over to bring Yoongi into a kiss. Yoongi never thought he’d be in the arms of someone he loves again. They stopped the kiss and Yoongi smiled fondly at Hoseok. “I think we should get out of here, I think I can smell Seokjin hyung’s cooking downstairs. 

The two walk down the stairs and see 4 of the guys sitting at the table eating Korean Omelets, while Seokjin is at the stove cooking. ‘They sure made themselves at home’ Hoseok laughs to himself. 

The walk over to the table and sit. Seokjin comes over with three plates, one for Hoseok, one for Yoongi, and one for himself. Seokjin sits beside of Namjoon and gives him a soft smile.

Hoseok looks at the clock and jumps up. “I gotta get to work we’re having a meeting” He stuffs the rest of his food in his mouth. He runs upstairs to grab clothes and to make himself decent. He runs back downstairs, gives Yoongi a kiss, then runs out the door. “See you guys!”

He arrives at the café and sees Hanuel’s car parked a few spaces down. He tries to ignore it, he won’t let Hanuel get to him today. He walks in and sees a few people at a table and he sits down and smiles. Hoseok blatantly ignores Hanuel’s glares and goes on with his work. They discuss somethings to put on the menu, Hoseok really hates to put Hanuel’s work on his menu but if it gives more choices to his customers and makes them happy he’s happy. 

The meeting ends and everyone leaves except Hoseok. He goes around the work place and makes sure everything is clean before heading out. He has to admit it’s been a great day. 

When he finishes, he locks up then walks to his car, Hoseok calls Yoongi. 

[Hey Hobi. Everything Okay?] Yoongi asks concerned.

“Yes, Yoongi hyung, I think I’ll go to the dance studio I haven’t been able to in a while.” Hoseok smiles.

Yoongi laughs, [Okay. Well, be careful and have fun] he pauses, [I love you.]

“I will. I love you too Yoongi. I’ll be back at like 3.” Hoseok hangs up the phone. He drives to the studio and walks in. He parked in the back of the building, so he could get in and out easier. 

He changes into some comfortable clothes that were in his car. He turns on some music and starts free-styling. Hoseok hasn’t had the chance to dance in a while. He feels free when he dances, he can get all his emotions out through dance. He wishes that he could be here all day everyday but that can’t happen he’s too busy. 

Hoseok turns off the music and checks his phone. 2:42. Perfect he has time to get home without Yoongi worrying he thinks. He picks up his bag and closes the studio door. He says goodbye to the man at the front desk and leaves out the back door. 

He sees Hanuel standing by his car smoking, Hoseok is a little confused to why he’s at the dance studio. Hoseok walks past him and acts like he isn’t there. He unlocks his car until Hanuel makes a snide remark at him. 

“Wow you look horrible Hoseok” he drops his cigarette. 

“Don’t talk to me” Hoseok says opening his door. 

“I think I’ll talk to you if I want to fucking talk to you.” He walks over to Hoseok and gets into his face. “Have you told anyone?” 

Hoseok avoids his gaze, “About what? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Hoseok backs up.

“Oh, you know. When I took advantage of you, made you plead like a little bitch.” He smirks, “That’s what I’m talking about”. 

“I-I-I don’t k-know what your t-talking about Hanuel.” Hoseok stutters out. 

“Seems like your scared Hoseok” Hanuel gets closer, “Are you Hoseok?” “You’re stuttering which means you told someone.” “It was our little secret Hoseok baby, and you didn’t keep it” Hanuel grabs Hoseok’s wrists, “You’ll have to be punished for this.” Hanuel grips his wrist harder, then pulls out a small knife. “Tell anyone else and you will be 6 feet under.” 

Hanuel cuts across Hoseok’s wrists, Hoseok almost screams but Hanuel gives him a warning, “Oh no no no. Scream and it’ll get worse.”

Hanuel pushes Hoseok to the ground and kicks his stomach repeatedly. He turns Hoseok on his back then sits on his stomach and punches Hoseok multiple times in the face. Hoseok is whimpering and lets out tiny screams and it only makes the situation worse. Hanuel grabs his knife then runs it over Hoseok’s cheek, he moves it over to his neck and cuts the side of Hoseok’s neck. He gets up and puts the knife straight into Hoseok’s palm. Hoseok groans and clutches him arm in pain.   
“Get what’ll happen next if I figure out you tell another person?” “Whoever you told must have been thinking you were lying, who would believe you? Your nothing and you deserve nothing. Well except getting beat” Hanuel hisses out. Hanuel spits on him then gets in his car then speeds away. 

Hoseok tries to pull the small knife out of his hand and screams when he doesn’t have the strength to get it out. He lies on the ground and closes his eyes. ‘Hopefully death will take me, I’m done I want die’ ‘I deserve death’ ‘I’m nothing but complete dirt.’ Hoseok passes out from exhaustion and stays in the same spot for 2 hours.

 

The man at the front desk was now closing the studio. He made his way to the back door to get to his car. He was scrolling through his phone then he looked up. He saw the man who was at the studio not too long ago, lying still with a knife in his hand. He runs over to the man and instantly calls 911. 

“Yes, hello there is a man at my dance studio. He’s beaten up and has a knife in his hand. I don’t know if he’s dead or not…”  
\--

 

Yoongi was getting pretty worried it was 5pm and he hadn’t got a single text or call from Hoseok. He decided to go up to the studio. He knew which one it was because of Hoseok’s Instagram page. He was standing in front of the building with the caption, ‘My second Home!’.

Yoongi smiled to himself. Hoseok sure was goofy. He pulled up to the studio and saw flashing lights, the police, and the ambulance. He immediately gets out and ask the nearest person watching what happened.

“There was a boy who was badly beaten and a knife in his hand. The poor boy” A women says.

Yoongi panics, “Do you know what he looks like?”

“No sorry. But there, they are putting him on the stretcher.” The lady points.

Yoongi turns his head, he takes a second to study the man. He quickly realizes’ it’s Hoseok. “No. Please” He runs over to the cop. “That’s my boyfriend let me see him please!” 

The cops pull him back, “I’m sorry but you can’t they need to get him to the hospital quick.”

“What hospital. Please tell me. Please.”

“The nearest one. I’m sorry I don’t know the name” the cop shrugs.

Yoongi walks away, “Goddammit” he gets into his car and follows to ambulance. Yoongi finds a parking spot, gets out of his car, then sprints into the hospital. Luckily, they were just getting inside the hospital too. So Yoongi ran up to Hoseok and grabbed his hand. “Hoseok. What the hell happened”

“Sir you have to get off him he has to get into the ER” one of the paramedics says to him.

Yoongi lets go after they tell him twice. He sits in the waiting room. He texts in the group chat that Hoseok is at the hospital. The lady at the front desk says ‘sir’ and Yoongi runs up to the desk. She tells him which room he is in and Yoongi takes no time on getting there. 

He opens the door and Hoseok turns his head, looks at Yoongi blankly then turns head back around. Yoongi runs up to him, “Hoseok are you okay, what happened?” 

“I’m fine. Got mugged.” 

“Again? There’s no way. Hoseok what actually happened?”

“Exactly what I said happened, you don’t believe me?” Hoseok looked at Yoongi once more.

“Of course, I believe you Hoseok.” Yoongi clutches his hand. “I’m just happy you’re alive. I love you”

“Love you too” Hoseok said with no emotion. 

Yoongi frowned and got up. He went to sit in the chair next to Hoseok’s bed. 

It takes about 20 minutes for the rest of the guys to arrive. Seokjin being the mom of the group asks all kinds of questions but Hoseok answers the same way he did with Yoongi.


	6. Heaven

-A week later-

Yoongi’s in his music theory class at his college. He hasn’t been paying much attention lately. Mostly because the only person he cares about is Hoseok. He hasn’t been the same since he got ‘mugged’. Yoongi doesn’t believe his story. The knife that Hoseok was stabbed with surprisingly “disappeared” the cops were always dirty. Someone probably paid them off, but they are going with the story that it got put in the wrong place and someone took it. It disgusts him how people can be such snakes.

Hoseok won’t come out of his room, he won’t look at Yoongi, he won’t talk to any of the guys, and he won’t eat. Yoongi has tried everything, he almost gave up but he can’t give up on Hoseok he just can’t. 

To get his mind off troubling thoughts Yoongi has been spending a lot of time with Jimin lately. Jimin is a sweet kid, he’s polite to his hyung, and he’s funny. Yoongi enjoys the time he spends with Jimin. Yoongi is aware of the little crush Jimin has developed but they are just hanging out what could that do? Yoongi thinks.

The class ends and Yoongi makes his way to his car. All his classes are over and he’s tired. He would go to his shared apartment with Seokjin but he’d rather spend time with his boyfriend. So, Yoongi makes his way over to Hoseok’s house. He unlocks the door with his spare key. He yells ‘I’m home’ then makes his way upstairs. 

He sees Hoseok in the same position as he was when Yoongi first left him alone. Laying in the bed with the covers up to his ears. He walks over to Hoseok and says quietly, “How are you feeling Hobi?” 

“I’m fine.” Hoseok says flatly. 

Yoongi drops his small smile then breathes in and kisses the top of Hoseok’s head. Since Hoseok won’t let him kiss him on the lips anymore. He walks to the other side of the bed, “Can I nap with you?”

Hoseok gives him a small yes, and Yoongi smiles. He gets in the bed and moves closer to Hoseok, “Can you turn over?” Hoseok turns over slowly and stares at Yoongi expressionless. Yoongi wraps his hand around Hoseok’s waist. He scoots closer to put his head into Hoseok’s chest. Hoseok hesitantly wraps his arm around Yoongi’s waist too. Yoongi almost screams, this is the most affection he’s gotten all week. 

Yoongi falls asleep for a few hours and wakes up in the same position. He looks up to Hoseok, he’s sound asleep with his mouth open. Yoongi thinks he looks cute this way. He tries not to move in case he wakes up Hoseok. He moves in closer to Hoseok and smells his scent. ‘He smells clean so he must have gotten up for a shower’ Yoongi thinks. He feels Hoseok stir, Yoongi looks up and sees Hoseok’s eyes open. 

“You’re awake Hoseok.”

“Yeah” Hoseok croaks out.

Yoongi moves up to be face to face with the expressionless boy. He waits a few seconds and wonders if it’s a good idea to ask it, “Do you love me still?” 

Hoseok’s eyes widen, he drops his gaze, “Yes” 

Yoongi huffs, “Then say it I want to hear you say it. Please”

Hoseok stays silent. 

Yoongi nods his head then gets out of the bed. He walks out of the room and says nothing. Yoongi leaves and goes to Jimin’s apartment.

Hoseok hears the door shut and he hugs the pillow. He cries until he can’t breathe. Hoseok thought he couldn’t say it because after what Hanuel said, “Whoever you told must have been thinking you were lying, who would believe you? Your nothing and you deserve nothing.” He thought it was true. ‘I don’t deserve anything’ ‘I don’t deserve Yoongi, his friends, food, warmth, love, or life.’

He had thought about killing himself many times. But he didn’t want to put more trouble on Yoongi’s back. He didn’t want Yoongi to come home and see Hoseok dead. He’d have to go somewhere else to do it. He wouldn’t do it yet though, he had to make sure Yoongi hated him so he wouldn’t cry when Hoseok was dead. He didn’t want the person he loved to be heartbroken. 

\--

Yoongi arrived at Jimin’s house and was sat on his couch with tears running down his face. 

Jimin walked in with some tea and gave a cup to Yoongi. Jimin leaned over to wipe away Yoongi’s tears, “Hey don’t cry everything will be okay. If he doesn’t love you, well that’s his problem.”

Yoongi turns to look at Jimin, “Thank you. Your too nice”

Jimin blushes, “It’s just cause’ I like you too much” 

Yoongi laughs, then takes a sip of his tea, “Yeah I like you too Jimin”

Jimin sets his tea on the coffee table and turns to face Yoongi. “I’m serious hyung” he pauses, “I like you a lot. I want you to be mine forever.” Jimin stares at Yoongi and both of their cheeks are bright red. 

Yoongi sits his tea on the table next to Jimin’s and sits up, “Jimin you know I’m with Hoseok. I can’t leave him right now.” 

Jimin scrunches his face, “The only reason you’re still with him is because you feel bad for him. Yes, I’m his friend but he’s just using you hyung…” 

Yoongi drops his head, “I don’t know”

Jimin shakes his head and pulls Yoongi to face him. They both stare at each other’s lips until Jimin leans forward to kiss Yoongi. The older man doesn’t realize what is happening until Jimin cups the side of his face. To Yoongi this feels right, like it was supposed to happen. Jimin tasted sweet and lips were so amazing that Yoongi could barely handle himself. Yoongi leaned into the kiss and grabbed onto Jimin’s waist. He pushed Jimin down onto the couch and started undressing him. 

The next thing Yoongi knows is he is lying in bed with Jimin curled around him. And that he just cheated on Hoseok. 

\--

Yoongi does the same routine every day. Goes to school, goes to Hoseok’s house, then ends his day at Jimin’s house where Jimin gives him sweet kisses and loves him. 

Yes, Yoongi feels bad for going back and forth. His heart aches every time Yoongi catches Hoseok crying by himself. But he loves Jimin too. He’s conflicted. 

He doesn’t know if Hoseok has figured out he’s cheating on him. He honestly doesn’t want to know. 

-1 month later- 

Jimin and Yoongi have been keeping their relationship a secret from everyone. He knows if he told the guys they would hate Jimin and himself. So, they stay inside Jimin’s apartment and silently talk. Yoongi never thinks about Hoseok when he’s with Jimin. 

Yoongi hasn’t seen Hoseok in a day or two. He’s sure Hoseok wouldn’t try anything. All he does is stay and his bed and give the same damn answers. 

\--

Yoongi is sitting Hoseok’s driveway with Jimin beside him. “I won’t be long. I’ll just say hi then leave.” Yoongi gets out of the car and makes his way into the house. He goes upstairs and sees Hoseok sitting on the side of the bed staring at his feet. “Hey, hobi. Are you okay?” 

Hoseok looks up and lets out a breath. He runs up to Yoongi, “I thought you wouldn’t come back” He hugs Yoongi tightly. “I love you I’m sorry. I love you.” 

Yoongi’s slightly gasps and hug Hoseok back. “I-I love you too Hobi”

-flasback-   
Hoseok was sitting in his bed. Yoongi hadn’t come by in while. He worried, he didn’t know why but he did. He was suddenly re-thinking his plan of committing suicide. 

‘I love Yoongi, I don’t want to die. If Yoongi doesn’t come by tomorrow. The plan is still on. If he does, I live’ Hoseok thinks to himself.  
-end of flashback- 

Yoongi hears Jimin call his name from inside the house. Yoongi panics, “Sorry I was hanging out with Jimin. I’ll be back. Stay here.” Yoongi runs down the stairs and sees Jimin standing awkwardly. 

“You were taking a while so I came in.”

He ran to Jimin “Guess what? He said he loved me. And he hugged me isn’t this great?!” Yoongi grabbed Jimin’s shoulders and smiled widely. 

“What? Yoongi. You love me. Don’t you” Jimin says with tears in his eyes. 

“Of course, I do Jimin.” 

“Then kiss me” Jimin says. Yoongi grabs Jimin’s cheeks and kisses him. 

 

Hoseok hears Jimin start arguing with Yoongi. He decides to walk over to the stairs and go down them. When he got into the sight of the two he saw Yoongi kissing Jimin passionately. “Yoongi?”

The blond man whips his head around and his jaw drops. He pulls away from Jimin, “Hoseok no please. This isn’t what it looks like.”

Hoseok had changed his mind. He was going through with the plan.


	7. Ease

Hoseok ran up to his room and then into the connected bathroom. He locked the door and washed out Yoongi’s voice behind the door as he pulled out his bag of supplies. In the bag were razors, knifes, rope, pain killers, and Hoseok’s suicide note. 

He was going to go to an empty barn and end his life. But after seeing the love of his life kissing another man he changed his mind quick. He smiled at the new razor and sat down on the floor. Yoongi kept screaming ‘Hoseok open the door please!’ but that wouldn’t be happening. 

He started cutting his wrists horizontally. He made 1,2,3,4,5 cuts in his left arm. The moved his right and made 1,2,3,4,5 cuts there too. He stared at the blood and smiled once again. Hoseok decided the best way to die was to bleed out to death.

Hoseok made five cuts on his thighs and sides. He thought to himself how he deserved all this pain. He could hear Yoongi banging on the door and crying. Hoseok cut himself every time Yoongi said ‘I love you’. He now had 20 cuts on each of his arms. He started to get dizzy so he started getting deeper and cut vertically up his arms. Hoseok didn’t stop, he was whimpering and crying but that didn’t stop him. 

He kept going until he was lying on the floor not breathing. 

\--

Yoongi was constantly trying to find ways into the bathroom. Finding a key, seeing if he could get in by window, or by knocking down the door. 

He was currently running up against the door banging into it. He decided that wasn’t going to work so he started kicking it down. This was working so he kicked harder. And harder. And harder. Until the door swung open. But it was already too late.

Yoongi stopped ran into the bathroom. Hoseok was lying down and covered in blood. Yoongi was bawling his eyes out and screaming ‘No’ ‘Please Hoseok’. Yoongi shook him and screamed his name. Yoongi was covered in Hoseok’s blood. 

When Yoongi checked the pulse, there wasn’t one. Yoongi’s heart dropped and he sat back and hyperventilated. Yoongi stared at his now dead boyfriend and sobbed and gasped for air. 

Yoongi got up and picked his phone up off the ground. He sat down in front of the bathroom door and dialed 911.

“Help… my boyfriend’s dead.” Yoongi sobbed into the phone as he stared at his once bubbly, friendly, sweet, lovable, and beautiful boyfriend lying dead covered in his own blood. 

 

-3 years later- 

Yoongi hasn’t talked to any of the guys since Hoseok’s funeral. They were all horrified with Yoongi’s actions that they couldn’t talk to him anymore. They all loved Hoseok too, and Yoongi is sure they all miss him dearly. Yoongi moved out from Seokjin’s apartment and he lives in Hoseok’s now cold, empty house. Yoongi spends his time alone now. He quit college and got a job at Hoseok’s coffee shop. 

Sometimes he sits in front of the bathroom door and just stares at the place Hoseok once laid. Yoongi hates himself for what he did to Hoseok. He doesn’t know why he was so foolish to think that since Hoseok wasn’t giving him the attention he wanted that it was okay to fuck Jimin every one and a while. 

 

Yoongi’s stood in front of Hoseok’s grave and it reads Jung Hoseok: February 18th 1994 – October 24th 2016

Yoongi gets on his knees and cries into his hands.

He moves one hand into his back pocket and pulls out a gun. “I’m sorry Hoseok my love.” And the gun goes off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed I spent a whole week making this!


End file.
